It is actually surprising that a lot of people who wants to be close as possible with their partner ends up divorcing. They are often filled with anger and disappointment. When people get married, they try their possible best to achieve a strong, enduring bond based primarily on emotions. Mostly in relationships the love and acceptance will flow as long as the other person involved is meeting a certain level of expectation. If the feelings are warm, the two partners involved can enjoy one another's company, overlook a partner's disturbing or annoying traits, communicate frequently, and still express affection.
But when the feelings changes and cools down, the two partners discovers that they have no reserves or capability to continue to love someone who is very much imperfect. Things start to change, then needs are not met, which causes hurt, which promotes defensiveness, which limits positive communication, which increase the level of misunderstanding, which also provokes conflict, and that fuels anger and bitterness. If the two partners are not able to forgive and reconcile with another, then the relationship and ability to love one another is paralyzed.
This trends in a relationship can be avoided for a while provided that the controversial issues that encourages selfishness do not appears or are prevented. But sooner or later reality sets in. Regardless of the partner's good intentions, they will eventually realize the fact that two independent people cannot both have all of their needs met every time they want.
FACTORS CAUSING MARRIAGE FAILURE
1. Poor boundaries.
When you engage in an intimate conversation with members of the opposite sex, it leads to emotional experiences that at same time clouds your judgment, trigger fantasy life, and eventually it leads to physical intimacies with someone other than your spouse outside of marriage.
If you don't want to have problem with your marriage you have to employ division of labor by fairly distributing works and responsibility. The major reason why most marriages fail is down to the fact that most people consistently place their desires ahead or above their partner's emotional needs and they only choose to respond when it is a matter of convenience, demand or negotiations which leaves their partner's feeling unloved. Selfishness can includes destructive forms like control, manipulation, jealousy, possessiveness, demands and abuse in order to have one's way. In other words, it is regarded as lack of consideration and respect.
3. Disrespectful judgments.
Marriage evolves around acceptance, admiration, appreciation and emotional safety. It is followed by feelings of anger and hurt when differences in opinions frequently leads to criticism, impatience, labeling, contempt, or discrediting one's thoughts or feelings.
4. Anger or rage.
If you look at it with a positive view, you would
understand that in some ways anger can leads to dialogue or solution to a problem. But at the same time anger can lead to rage or withdrawal which affects the couple's communications.
5. Lack of emotional intimacy.
The lack of sharing one feelings, goals, hurts, struggles, joys and emotional details of one's life lead to loneliness and sadness. Feelings of friendship and partnership come from being connected through interest, deep listening and empathy, mutual support, and sharing perspectives as confidants.
6. Lack of affection and sexual fulfillment.
When couple's can satisfy themselves sexually problems start to develop. Without the affectionate gestures and words, their love seems hollow and weak. People marry to have a soul mate not a roommate. They expect to have an active and fulfilling sexual life. Misunderstandings and excessive fights destroys a couple's willingness to be affectionate with each other.
7. Leading separate lives.
When couple's decide not to mesh their lives together or they are always spending a lot of time apart from each other then reality sets in, their relationship suffer and could most certainly leads to breakup.
8. Communication is a painful process.
When a marriage has too many conflict, hostility, blame, criticism, defensiveness, and excessive verbal attacks then life feels like you are living with an enemy when you require a friend instead. Marriage is supposed to be a place for love, friendship and a place to hide your head from the stress and difficulties of life.
9. Destructive habits and addictions.
Addictions have great influence on your judgment and what you consider to be a priority, then things like betrayal, hurt, anger and pain follows the addictive behavior. You need to keep your addictions in check if you want your marriage to have a chance of surviving.
10. Dishonesty, laziness and other character defects.
Like they say the base of any relationship should be built with trust and respect. If you want to have a peaceful co-existence with your partner then you have to maintain honesty and always try your best to fulfill your responsibility so as not to shift burdens on your partner which can damage your marriage. Marriage is meant to be a partnership between equals and nothing less.